Merry Christmas from The Great Brownbino

• Sarah Palin:  I can see the North Pole from my house!
• Santa Clause:  Sarah Palin is running for President?  I can see Armageddon from my house!

• I figure if I just start writing, a blog post will emerge.  It’s been months and I could say that I’ve been busy, but the honest truth is that I haven’t had anything interesting to write about.  Yes I’m still full of interesting, inappropriate, unnecessary, intelligent, cocky thoughts *pause*, (do I really have to pause for saying I have cocky thoughts?  Yeah I guess so…) I just haven’t had anything worth writing about.  This reminds me….I’ve been using the phrase “nothing to write home about” a lot lately.  “Hey do you like your meal?” “Well it’s nothing to write home about…”  “Hey do you think she’s pretty?”  “Well she’s nothing to write home about…” “Hey buddy how’s the job going?”  “Well it’s nothing to write home about?”  Sometimes I really think I’m just a big suit-wearing bumpkin.
• Speaking of bumpkins, did you see that Sarah Palin is waging war against Michelle Obama and her fight against childhood obesity?  Yes.  That’s right.  Sarah Palin supports childhood obesity.  Well, not really, but that’s what she would say if it were her scribbling this blog in crayon on her dollar general coloring book. She is, however, opposing Michelle Obama’s effort to fight childhood obesity.  A local school board in Michigan had implemented new measures to rid the school of high-sugar snacks and replace them with healthier options like fruit.    Sarah Palin showed up at one of the schools with cookies to give to the students, stating that she wasn’t going to let the government tell her what the kids can and can’t eat.  So instead of supporting healthy snacks for children, Sarah Palin chose to continue her opposition to everything the government does by giving the children sugary sweets.   She sure showed them.
• Sarah Palin is an idiot.
• Anyone that disagrees with that last sentence is an even bigger idiot.
• Whew, getting mad over here…gotta lighten things up.  Let’s see…um….Brett Favre’s starting streak finally ended at 297.  Impressive but the number 297 really gave me the heebie jeebies (bumpkin phrase) though…I hate records to end on such random numbers.  I really needed it to end on a nice even number like 300. (Although technically you can count all of his playoff starts and his number is well over 300.  The only quarterback more interesting than Brett Fav-ruh these days is Michael Vick.  Although Vick cost me a fantasy football championship, I am definitely intrigued by his progress.  I think most black people are right now.
• We saw O.J. divide this country and we all came to his rescue and defended his guilty ass for years.  Yet when he was given his freedom, he did nothing with it; he never redeemed himself, and thus never allowed us to redeem ourselves for backing him when the gloves clearly fit.  Fast forward nearly two decades, and again we see ourselves united behind our hero, while so many self-righteous white people (in our minds) get on television and preach about this dog-killer is the scourge of society and must be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law and thrown in jail where he belongs because he is less than human and blah blah blah.  We couldn’t say much to them, because if there is one thing we’ve all learned, its that white people sure do love animals.   So we sit back quietly and watch our fallen hero sentenced to two years in a federal prison, while murderers, drug dealers, sexual monsters, and republicans are free to walk around with no inhibitions.   But unlike O.J., Vick did his time and came back with a purpose.  He has redeemed himself, and he has redeemed everyone that stood by him and supported him through his unjust imprisonment.   Now he has become one of the top QB’s in all of football, proving all of the white naysayers wrong once again, by being a model athlete and someone for us to cheer for, someone for us to believe in, and someone to derail our young boys from focusing on their grades and instead focusing on their infinitely small chances of playing in the NFL which will actually lead to them getting neither an NFL job or a chance at college which IS EXACTLY WHAT THEY WANTED TO HAPPEN….GASP…..son of a…..wow….they did it again. Clever….they outsmarted us…..we either lose our hero, or gain one more distraction….shit. 
• What’s wrong with me? I’m writing this as if I don’t have white readers.  Well my best friend Jason won’t care.  Even though he is a dog lover.  Sorry Jason!  (Wolves do eat people).
• Thinking about devoting a post or a series of posts to the mythical nature of black entertainment and the Illuminati….The New World Order is real.  Shout out to Hollywood Hulk Hogan. 
• I apologize for the racial generalizations made in this post.  It’s just easier.  I knew you’d understand.
• I do hope everyone has a Merry Christmas.  I can definitely see and understand why this is the most miserable time of year for so many people.  Christmas is a great time, unless you’re poor, unemployed, recently lost a loved one, experiencing family problems, a charity waiting on Republicans to support, people who have birthday’s on Christmas and only get half the gifts to which they are entitled, children of Jehovah’s witnesses, or a Louisville Cardinal fan…or the Obama kids (they’ll probably make those little girls get up early and go feed the homeless for a photo-op and then give all their gifts away to some “needy” kids for another photo-op.  I support any and all Obama daughter tantrums during the Holiday season.).
• You know who has to have a great Christmas?  Tiger Woods’ Kids.  Donald Trump’s friends.  Steve Jobs’ babysitter.   Kim Kardashian’s bra. Bill Gates’ dog.  Any white person’s dog.  Any white person’s cat.  I would gladly trade places with any one of these.
• Merry Christmas! Happy Holidays!  - From NSYNC
• Disclaimer:  The rest of the message was written by me, only the “Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays” was NSYNC, and I’m pretty sure they didn’t come up with that phrase either.  Not positive, but pretttttty sure.