I am the biggest Saw fan you'll meet. And I cannot wait for the latest film. Maybe it's because the producers have FINALLY figured out how to keep secrets about some of the movie's exciting twists, maybe it's because Eddie Winslow is going to be in this movie and will most certainly die a laughably horrific death, maybe it's because I'm so invested that I now defend the Saw franchise the way I defend a family member. No matter how much wrong they may do, in my eyes, they can do no wrong. Here are some of the poster's that have been released.
The plot details for the latest installment:
Special Agent Strahm is dead, and Detective Hoffman has emerged as the unchallenged successor to Jigsaw's legacy. However, when the FBI draws closer to Hoffman, he is forced to set a game into motion, and Jigsaw's grand scheme is finally understood.
The long-awaited, highly anticipated 5th sequel to the blockbuster Saw franchise hits theaters October 23, 2009.
Despite losing support each year for some inexplicable reason, LionsGate Films is sticking with this franchise, mainly because of its hardened cult following and its almost guaranteed haul at the box office. With rumors that legendary villain actor Tobin Bell has already signed on for a seventh film, and further rumors that director David Hackl wants to make the seventh installment a 3D film, it's safe to say that the second best horror franchise ever (next to Halloween), isn't going anywhere anytime soon. For more info, check out the site for Saw 6.
But in the spirit of the most dynamic horror story ever told, I came up with this list of the top 6 "I obviously don't cherish my life and I need to be thrown into one of the famous Jigsaw traps".
1) Manny Ramirez - Watching Manny is like watching that guy in middle school who had a growth spurt way before everyone else did, but instead of using his newly-acquired size advantage to play sports and get girls, he joins the theater group or gets a part-time job early. It's hard not to watch and think about all the other guys who would kill for Manny's talent, but instead he just dicks around and wastes his career.
2) Joe Scarborough, Sean Hannity, Glenn Beck, Bill O'Reilly - Peter Parker's uncle would be highly disappointed in these young men. It's just not good to give so much power to the biggest, most naive, oblivious, racist, bigoted, ignorant, hateful, ignorant, dumb, stupid, mean, evil nitwits who use their influence, not for good, but to prey on the lack of knowledge of their viewers. Mr. Scarborough had potential to run for President, but instead he'd rather spew hatred from his mouth every morning on MSNBC, like he ate an ignorance pizza with moldy cheese, and can't stop vomiting his rants of prejudice puke.
3) Kanye West - What? No. Not Kanye. Right? WRONG. If there's anything his biggest fans can admit about their idol is that he could stand a few lessons in humility, and there's no humble pie like the Saw trap. My only fear is that he would survive, and then criticize Jigsaw for not being talented enough to outsmart him.
4) The guys from Scrubs and Grey's Anatomy - The guy who plays J.D. on Scrubs, and the guy who plays George on Grey's Anatomy - Why? Simple. Warning - it's a little selfish. But what the crap. Great shows require chemistry. And that's not easy to come by. So when a show develops the perfect balance of chemistry amongst its cast, and has a great formula for success, it drives me crazy to see one of the stars get selfish and start bitching about not wanting to by typecast into a role, or having a desire to focus on other movie projects. NO! You are integral elements to Emmy-winning shows and they just won't work without you. Stop running away from what works. You've got a good thing going. Oh yeah, if there's not a new Batman movie within the next three years, we're adding Christopher Nolan and Christian Bale to this list.
5) Brett Fav-ruh - Just because he's a jerk who thinks its ok to toy with people and waste our time. You may not appreciate our time Mr. Fav-ruh, but a nice death scare might make you want to cherish your own time.
6) The Guy Who Made Crocs - Cause I said so.
7) Debra Lee - She's the "genius" behind BET. She's responsible for the "great tv programming" the network has given us over the past decade, including: Frankie & Neffe, (I don't need to go any further, but I will, for the cynics) Tiny & Toya, College Hill, 106 & Park, every BET Award show, the Boondocks (yep, because she DIDN'T want the Boondocks. Not dumb enough for her). She should pay for the denigration of an entire race.
8) The Guy Who Invented College Final Exams - What a douche.
9) Flavor Flav - Kinda like the guys from Scrubs and Grey's Anatomy. He had a show that works. He had some very classy ladies chasing after him, year after year, willing to put their self-respect and dignity on the line just to be with him. He was the envy of, oh, I dunno, EVERY GUY I KNOW! When you get a show like that, and the network will let you keep doing it year after year, you don't stop doing the show to go marry someone who happened to mother your most recent child. Especially when you passed up on marrying the last 10 women who bore your 49 other children. You keep going! YOU KEEP GOING!
10) Any Female Who Tries To Get With Flavor Flav - Just because he would keep going with those shows, doesn't mean you should. Even if it will make you famous. Some things have to be more important than fame.
