NBA All-Star Weekend Redux

"Watch me crank and watch me roll..."

Superman Dwight Howard, The Reincarnation of Lebron Lame, and the rebirth of New Orleans post-Hurricane Katrina. Better late than never, here it is: NBA All Star Weekend Redux.

Friday Night - Rookie v. Sophomore Game - I'll admit it. I didn't get to watch this game, and if i had the opportunity to, I probably would have changed the channel. To be honest, I think the Rookie vs. Sophomore game is the worst way to kick off this exciting weekend. It just sounds boring. I'm an NBA enthusiast, but i just can't get excited about the opening night. But I did catch the highlights of the night, and I saw that rookie sensation from the Cleveland Cavaliers Daniel Gibson shot an amazing 11 tres in the game. NORMALLY, this would mean that he was the star of the night. For the first time ever. Because every other night of his career he is overshadowed by the NBA's Anointed One, the Colossus of Clout, the King of Crash, the Titan of Terror, The Sultan of Swat........... the Great LAMEbino, LEBRON LAME!














So on this night, Gibson has a spectacular game, and is supposed to get the glory for it. As soon as the game is over, the ESPN announcer finds Gibson for post-game commentary.
Now for those who don't normally watch sports, the post-game commentary is reserved for those 1 or 2 individuals who had a stellar night. The analyst finds the star of the night and asks them the basic "How does it feel....what was going through your head...how did you do...etc." This player of the game has earned his 30 seconds in the spotlight.
So Gibson is standing with the analyst and she asks him about the night. He opens his mouth to speak. When out of nowhere, this big ugly smelly fat rude inconsiderate jackass runs on the court, directly to the Gibson interview and says "Hi I'm Lebron James"
This jackass proceeds to spend the next 45 seconds boasting about himself and how great he is and how great he looks and how great his fart smells and how beautiful the carpet in his home is and, well, you get the point. Finally, he stops and says "Ok, well I'll let this guy have his moment in the spotlight "(the moment which has now passed because of Lebron's rant) "ill have my own moment on Sunday anyway." Is it really too hard for Lebron to not be in the spotlight? For one night? I mean damn, he wasn't even playing? He wasn't even in the damn game, what could he possibly have to say about his performance that when he didn't perform? What an ass!

Saturday Night - Skills Challenge, Three-Point Shootout, Slam Dunk Contest

I guess these mini-competitions are pretty fun and exciting to watch, but its just not enough. We get only two hours of this stuff, and we only see about 12 players compete overall. I say we expand the competitions...Why of course i have ideas! I thought you'd never ask....

1. Hot Dog Eating Contest - Sound simple enough, right? Well to add a twist, it should be made up of the league's leading hot dogs. Let the fans vote. This season the competitors include: "Lebron Lame, Kobe Bryant, Allen Iverson, and Josh Smith"

2. Wii Bowling - I wanna see the leagues big guys playing the Wii - Yao Ming, Shaquille O'Neal, Dwight Howard, Shawn Marion.

3. Coaches Crank Dat contest - Who can Superman dat ho? The all-star game should really include the coaches more in the festivities, and what better way than an old school dance off.
Phil Jackson, Byron Scott, Pat Riley, and Gregg Popovich

4. Arm Wrestling - Shag vs. Dwight Howard

5. WNBA Mud Wrestling - hahahahhahahahaha. (If women's basketball is a sport, then so is mud wrestling)

6. All-Star Boxing - Jermaine O'Neal vs. Carmelo Anthony

7. And1 vs. NBA game - Outdoor pick up game. Anything goes.

8. NBA Dunk Contest JACKASS STYLE - That's right. Let's have those guys from MTV's Jackass come in and do crazy stuff to the players as they try and dunk. Let Steve-O shoot paintballs at Gerald Green while he tries to dunk. Let Dwigh Howard dunk Wee-man into the hoop. Let Chris Pontius put on the tuxedo thong and bowtie and start humping Brandon Roy when he tries to dunk.

9. Bake-off - Lets have Mark Cuban representing management, David Stern representing administration, Tony Kornheiser representing the media, and Kevin Garnett representing the players. "Why will I ever need to know how to make Tiramisu?!?"

10. Mock Debate - Lets have a real debate about issues affecting America (Iraq War, Health Care, Economy, Education)
And the debaters are....
Yao Ming
Rasheed Wallace
Allen Iverson ("we're talkin about practice?")
Ron Artest

Well the rest of the weekend was a wash (Is that a generational term?) I dunno....Dwight was amazing and he wins the dunk contest in legendary fashion....Lebron Lame cheats Ray Allen out of the MVP in the game...but the best part about NBA All Star Weekend is that now my excitement for the NBA is renewed. more to come later....

What ever happened to...? Vol. 1

"Geico... so easy, a black man could do it..."

What ever happened to those Geico commercials with the cavemen? Remember when those first came out?

"I'll have the roast duck with the mango salsa." That line was great. And then the other commercial where the guy was in the subway and he sees the poster of the caveman he gets pissed off. Great song by the way ("Remind Me" by Royksopp). Then they came out with that terrible sitcom about cavemen that just didn't work. They should just keep the 30 second commercials coming. There is the real hilarity.

I say, bring back Captain Cavemen. He used to come on tv in the middle of the Flintstone Kids....Now Captain Caveman was a real boss of the prehistoric world. He had that big ass club and he used to try and smash everybody with it. But he was incompetent so his son had to look out for him. And they would always say things like "Caaaptttaiiin CAAAAAAVVVVVEEEEMMMMMMMAAAAAAAAN....and son." I miss that show....

The He-Man Woman Haters Club

There's really only two ways to talk about Valentine's Day.

1. Boast about the extraordinary satisfaction you have in your own love life.

2. Bash everyone who boasts about the extraordinary satisfaction they have in their own love life because you can't find anything to boast about.

I declare both of these to be in poor taste. I will do neither.

However, in the spirit of this day, I will focus on some of my personal romantic favorites.

Favorite Love Movies

A Walk To Remember - I saw this movie in theaters three or four times, and it moved me every time. So much so, that I can't watch it anymore. It was that powerful. If you wanna see the true forces of love in action, watch the struggle that the young man goes through in finding love and in turn, finding himself. Mandy Moore is great in this movie as well. (yeah fellas I know, Im gonna have to write about 10 sports blogs to get any ounce of masculine credibility back.

When Harry Met Sally - The epitome of the romantic comedy. This movie maintains hilarity from beginning to end. And for those of you who believe in "The One" (ya know, out of 6,000,000,000 people on earth, you think that there is 1 specific person meant for you and you can only hope that you actually get to interact with that one person and then maybe you will get to know them and then maybe you will like them and then mmmmmmaaaaaaayyyybbbbbbeeeeee they like you back and then maybe you give it a shot and then maybe it works out in the end and you get married and live HEA) then this movie is for you.

Ghost - Ok so we all know that we are going to die. The facts of life. But can you imagine meeting someone that you love so incredibly much, that even when you die, you still live for? Wrap your head around that one. Still creepy to think that a ghost can have a human tho….lots of mechanical questions that bring that relationship into question. Still, great movie. Patrick Swayze and Whoopi Goldberg.

Honorable Mention

Tyler Perry's "Why Did I Get Married?" - or so I hear.

Saw I-IV - horror is the ultimate aphrodisiac

The Little Rascals

Wedding Singer

The Princess Bride - CLASSIC

Favorite Love Songs

"Always and Forever" by Heatwave. Such a classic golden oldie. This classic soul ballad has staying power. And if you have the album to play on an old turntable, it makes it even more romantic…

"One In A Million" by Larry Graham - This song is about more than just love. Its about the realization that comes to man when he finds the most special lady in the world, and he makes the only decision that he knows to make, ask her to be in his life forever. Plenty of men have developed the reputation for being womanizers, for having wandering eyes, and for "not being able to commit." But Ladies, we're not that different. We really are looking for that special one in a million gal who makes it all

worthwhile. Maybe not right now, but years down the road, perhaps…

"You Give Me Something" by James Morrison - I'm a sucker for the oldies, and I love to say that a song has withstood the test of time. But there are some more contemporary artists out there today that still know how to pour their true sincere emotions into a song. One such fellow is Mr. James Morrison. If you haven't heard this song, check it out. He speaks for every man that is ready but isn't, is sure but isn't, wants to but can't. When he says "you give me something/ that makes me scared alright/this could be nothing/but I'm willing to give it a try" That may not seem like much to the one looking for the world, but it’s a start. And the first step could be the most important step of all.

Honorable Mention

"Can't Let Go" by Anthony Hamilton

"Hanging By A Moment" by Lifehouse

"L-O-V-E" by Nat King Cole

"Your Body Is A Wonderland" by John Mayer

"I'm Goin' Down" by Mary J. Blige (original by Rose Royce"

"No One" by Alicia Keys

"My Body" by LSG

"Sex, Love, and Pain" by Tank

"Bittersweet Poetry" by Kanye West ft. John Mayer

Favorite Love Food

Chicken Tenders - I don't remember much about my high school dating life, by choice, but I do recall a recurring awkward adolescent moment from those times. Every time that I went out for a date or for one of those snowball or prom dances, we would always go to dinner. And I would be so nervous, and incredibly self-conscious about everything, my breath, the boogers in my nose, the three hairs on my chin, the specs of pepper" that always got stuck on my front tooth, my dry hands, my hair, the ironed collar on my shirt which kept falling, do my shoes match properly, am I funny (of course I am), am I being a gentleman (of course I am), etc. Anyways, back to food. So I would always get the chicken tenders, thinking that was the safest possible food with very little chances of spill, significantly decreased effect on breath compared to a burger or a salad, and they taste good everywhere you go. So, chicken tenders.

(Note: Now that I'm a big boy, and somewhat less self-conscious, and because usually I'm the one paying, I've become much more comfortable ordering whatever I'm in the mood for while on a date, which is usually something manly like a big steak or lobster. Manly man! Brawny man! Is pasta a man-food?

Honorable Mention

Shrimp Pasta

Chocolate Cake

Favorite Drink

Merlot - I prefer something dark and subtle with a hint of fruity sweetness. Its pleasing to the palate, and it looks cool in a big wine glass.

Honorable Mention

Kool-aid

Ginger Ale

Favorite Color

Black - I like formal. Black is easy to become formal. Its classy and subtle. Don't wear bright bold colors. Call me safe, but I don’t like people who try to make big bold fashion statements on dates.

Red - Wear it with black. A little too cliché, but I can pull it off. If you can too, do it.

Honorable Mention

Blue

Favorite Activity

Ice Skating - The best dates are the most interactive ones. If you both can ice skate, then you can have a blast on the ice. If you can't, you can have even more of a blast. Automatic excuse to hold hands while you scoot around the rink. And if you are lucky enough to fall down, you fall together and then laugh and pull each other up (symbolism) and then you try again. Then afterwards enjoy some warm cocoa together. Very fun.

Wal-Mart - If you have never walked through every single aisle of Wal-Mart with the one you love, then you haven't lived my friends. I can't describe the amount of pleasure you can get out of Wal-Mart with that special someone.

Blind Date: Go out for a drink. I can't stress this enough. This is Dating 101. This is the most elastic date one can go on. It can be as short or as long as you need it to be. If you are meeting someone for the first time, and you don't know what to expect, go out for drinks. If you like what you see, order as many rounds as you want…if you don't, you can finish that one drink as fast as you can, tip the bartender, and then "go to the bathroom", never to be seen or heard from again. Foolproof. (Disclaimer: I have never tried this, so I am not responsible for any negative events that occur as a result of attempting to pull this off).

Honorable Mention

Movie - only comedies, laughter and jokes breed interaction

Favorite Couple

Barack and Michelle Obama - I love the interactions between these two individuals. If you listen to the way they speak about each other, the way they look at each other, they way smile and stare into each other's eyes, amidst the overwhelming chaos, you may be overwhelmed. They have truly found love and happiness in each other's lives. They are a classy couple of our generation and I love to see them together. They have two beautiful little girls, and this couple seems to be very grounded in the stability that they have created. I really like these two...

Honorable Mention

Jay-Z and Rihanna

Victor and Nikki Newman (old school Young and the Restless, what you know about that?)

The old couple at my church who always walk around the mall together holding hands and going out to Captain D's for fish. So cute.

Amen.

I PROMISE TO RESTORE YOUR FAITH IN MY MASCULINITY TOMORROW!

The Grammy's - Part 2

Ok apparently I left out a couple of blog-worthy tidbits about this year's Grammy Awards.

First of all, it seems as though the original Queen of Soul Urethra Franklin is a little bit "perturbed" to say the least, following the high-octane (i love that adjective) performance of Beyonce and Tina Turner. At the beginning of the performance, Beyonce paid homage to several female pioneers in music, including the great Urethra Franklin. Then Beyonce introduced Tina Turner, with whom should would be sharing the stage (See: High-Octane Performances) by saying "Ladies and Gentleman, stand on your feet and give it up for the Queen, Tina Turner!"

Later, Urethra Franklin commented on how she felt slighted by the introduction, particularly the fact that Turner, and not Franklin, was referred to as "Queen". She released the following statement: "I am not sure of whose toes I may have stepped on or whose ego I may have bruised between the Grammy writers and Beyonce, however, I dismissed it as a cheap shot for controversy."

Let me first say that I have the utmost respect for a woman who truly is a pioneer of the industry and has been for many decades (how many artists can say they have been on top for years, much less decades). AAAAANNNNNNNNNNDDDDDDD, I have yet to jump on the Beyonce bandwagon, despite the fact that her popularity has surpassed every other performer in the music industry today. (I don't know why I'm not "Crazy in Love" for her, maybe its because I can't understand the lyrics to any of her songs. If I'm at the club and something like "Freakum Dress" or "Deja Vu" comes on, then I'm a little more grateful....but still) But all in all, not even I can deny that she is the present and the future of R&B, and she is becoming a pioneer in her own right for the way that she is setting trends and raising the bar for performers to come. She is a beautiful, talented black woman, and like it or not, one day, she will be referred to as The Queen. So it definitely bothers me when the well-fed Urethra Franklin takes her own cheap shot who is doing nothing more than trying to follow in the footsteps of one of her own idols. And is there anyone out there who doesn't think that Beyonce was wrong in her characterization of Tina Turner? So I say this to Urethra: its not a competition, and no matter how big you get, there is still plenty of room in the limelight for others. So play nice. And for once, how about you show some respect for one of the many artists whom you paved the way for...


Second - Kanye West Outburst #475089661- During his acceptance for the Grammy award for Best Rap Album, Mr. West decided to ignore the suggested time limit for his speech. About 8 years ago, awards shows decided that it would be clever to nudge the winners off stage by playing soft classical music in the background, to give them the hint. They realize that these performers have ego's bigger than Urethra Franklin, and they all have an overwhelming sense of entitlement when it comes to self-recognition. So this "music-in-the-background" was a clever idea to remedy the long-winded winners....

But not really.

Just a few moments earlier, Mr. West performed his hit single "Stronger" followed by "Hey Mama" a dedication to his late mother. (I won't get into the details on how great his performance was, instead just review my previous entry on the Grammy's). Everyone knew about his late mother and the likelihood that he would be emotional during his show and during any subsequent award speeches.

"And the winner is....Kanye West". He walks on stage. He begins thanking everyone who helped him get to where he is. Usual Kanye Fashion. He begins to talk about his late mother. The music begins. Wrap it up Kanye! I look up and think to myself "Are they really gonna do him like that?" Then, in some weird telepathic shift in the cosmos, he heard me. Kanye looks up into the camera, and says "Are yall really gonna do me like that?" The music continues. Kanye keeps talking. The music gets louder. Kanye looks up and shows the anger on his face, but he keeps talking about his mother. The music gets even louder. Kanye stops, looks directly into the camera and says "It would be in good taste to stop the music." They got the hint. The music stops. The crowd applauds him. He pays respect to his mother. He walks off stage. The show goes on.

So before any of you unsympathetic haters out there decided to bash Kanye again, let me just reiterate: The show goes on. It was not a big deal. It did not disrupt the timing of the show, it was the best part of the show, and like he said , it was in good taste to turn the music off so that the man could talk! Sure he has had more than his fair share of selfish rants in the past, but this wasn't dissatisfaction about him losing awards that he should have won. This wasn't about him performing on the little stage instead of the big stage (See: THANKSGIVING and KID'S TABLE). This wasn't him calling George Bush a racist. And this wasn't him talking about how great he is. This was a grieving young man who just wanted 20 more seconds to acknowledge his deceased mother for her role in making him the person he has become. If you truly believe that such a statement is rude or in bad taste, then may God have mercy on your soul.



To lighten the mood, here are a few more attention-getting lines that might have gotten them to stop the music....
5. "I must admit, I'm a lip syncer."
4. "I'm Gay. (but we all know that he's not)"
3. "I wanna thank you Jay-Z. But lets be real jigga. Everyone knows that you hooked up with Rihanna. Your body language says it all."
2. "Barack Obama does not care about black people."
1. " You're cutting me off right now?!? This is GARBAGE! And the producers of this show are GARBAGE! COME AFTER ME! I'M A MAN! I'M 40!"

Finally - On an even lighter note, OBAMA DEFEATS CLINTON. No, no, no the presidential race is not over. But in a symbolic victory which could not come at a better time in our nation's history, Barack Obama beat a Clinton. That's right, he won the Grammy for Best Spoken Word Album from his best-selling book, The Audacity of Hope, beating out Fmr. President Bill Quagmire, I mean Bill Clinton. Giggity-giggity-giggity!

*Interesting Fact: Among the nominees that Obama beat out were Fmr. President Jimmy Carter, and Fmr. Republican Nominee for President, Arnie Vinick.

I'm A Man! I'm Forty!

This could be the best sports speech in the world. Mike Gundy, Oklahoma State University Football Coach. Not very original for me to post someone else's speech, but it is so classic. An excellent piece of unintentional comedy...

"Three fourths of this is inaccurate. It's fiction. And this article embarrasses me to be involved with athletics. Tremendously. And that article had to have been written by a person who didn't have a child. And has never had a child that had their HEART BROKEN and come home upset. And had to deal with that child when he is upset. And kick a person when he's down! Here's all that kid did. He goes to class. He's respectful to the media. He's respectful to the PUBLIC. And he's a good kid, and he's not a professional athlete, and he doesn't deserve to be kicked when he's down. If you have a child someday, you'll understand how it feels. But you obviously don't have a child. I do. If your child goes down the street, and someone makes fun of him because he dropped a pass in a pickup game, or SAYS HE'S FAT, and he comes home crying to his mom, you'd understand. But you haven't had that. But someday you will. And when your child comes home, you'll understand. If you want to go at an athlete, ONE OF MY ATHLETES, you go after one that doesn't do the right things. You don't downgrade him because he does everything right and may not play as well on Saturday. And you let us make that decision. That's why I don't read the newspaper. BECAUSE IT'S GARBAGE. And the editor that let it come out IS GARBAGE. Attacking an amateur athlete for doing everything right. And then you want to right articles about guys that don't do things right, and downgrade those who do make plays. Are you kidding me? Where are we at in society? COME AFTER ME! I'M A MAN! I'M FORTY! I'M NOT A KID. WRITE SOMETHING ABOUT ME or our coaches. Don't write it about a kid that does everything right, that's heart is broken. And then say that the coaches said he was scared. THAT AIN'T TRUE. And then to say that we made that decision because Donovan was. Because he threatened to transfer. THAT'S NOT TRUE. So get your facts straight. And I hope someday you have a child and someone downgrades him or belittles him, and you have to look him in the eye and say you know what? It's okay. They're suppose to be mature adults but they really aren't. Who's the kid. Who's the kid here. Are you kidding me? That's all I got to say. Makes me wanna puke!" (Storms off the podium)

Baby, It's Cold Outside

Blog Song: Birdland - Weather Report

DAY 1: What I wouldn't give for a snow day? I'm looking outside right now, and all I see is snow, ice, and frostbite. Yep, its cold enough to actually see the frostbite waiting on me. It's like a big bully, waiting on the playground, punching his fist into his open palm, with that menacing look. "Oh yeah you're gonna get it now..." He's looking at my ears, and he's thinking about how many different ways he can make me say uncle. He's lookin' at my nose, imaging how hard he can punch me, and which combination will be most effective in breaking my nose. He's gonna stomp on my toes, and steal all my clothes....thats how cold it feels to me. I used to love the snow, because where I come from, the first snow flake on the ground quickly translated into a snow day for the county schools. (See the picture of me looking for my car under the snow and ice). Today, I pray that it doesn't snow because no matter how many feet of snow and ice there is, I know that class won't be cancelled. And I'll have to go face it. I'll have to drive on the slick roads. I'll have to walk on the icy sidewalks. I'll have to stand there for half an hour trying to scrape ice off my car, then ill get in the car and spend ten minutes trying to scrape the ice off my fingers, then ten more minutes trying to get warm, and by now I'm late for class. There are so many things I would much rather be doing then going outside and facing that bully. Here are just a few of them:

- Sleeping!
- Warming up by the fire, looking out the window and giving the cold weather a big middle finger
- Watch a marathon of my favorite shows like West Wing, Reno 911, Frasier, The Wire, Curb Your Enthusiasm...take your pick...all day long
- Leisure Reading ("Dreams From My Father" - Barack Obama, thats next on my list, been there for a while now)
-Warm apple cider in bed
- Age of Empires II until my eyes bleed
- My Madden 08 Franchise, its been so so long
- Shave my body (i figure that would be as good a time as any)
- Do the Tom Cruise "Risky Business" routine...black people need a song to do that with....we'd have to chance the outfit too
- Spend the day trying to find a song for black people to do the "Risky Business" thing to
- more to come later....

Day 2: More Snow, More Ice. Remember that bully? That jackass of a bully that I thought was waiting on me to come outside? Well, apparently he decided to go after my car. Covered in an inch of ice, I spent the last 30 minutes scraping it off, and scratching my windows in the process. The only reason I'm editing this right now is because I thought typing would help me get some circulation going in my fingers.

Remember when you were little and your parents used to bundle you up in your thermals, then your play clothes, then your snow boots and your big bubble coat and your toboggan and your mittens (err...I never wore mittens....i meant gloves) and they would send you outside to play but you had so many layers of clothes that you couldn't move. (Think Randy from "A Christmas Story")

You would just stand there like a plastic action figure whose arms and legs were always stationery. If you fell, you would have to call for help to get yourself up. It took real muscle strength to move through those layers, and by the time you got any, it was time to come in. You could never pick up snow to make a snow ball with those huge gloves with the fat fingers. It really took the fun out of playing in the snow. Are we really too old to play in the snow?....I dont think so.....

ANYWAYS, I'm gonna have to cut this one short so that I can go put on my long johns (I guess some people still call them that...) If you ever wear them, then you know how long it takes to get the bottoms on.

FLAVOR FLAAAAAAAAAAVVVVVV!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA BBBBBBOOOOOOOOOIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok I won't lie, I've become a reality junkie. I'm sitting here wasting my life away on Making the Band 4....and I hate that I love it. I hate it! Its great television! But its just awful. These people are so easy to watch. But I hate it. I really love to hate it.

In the must-see movie Great Debaters, actor Forest Whitaker delivers one of the most memorable lines of the movie. He says "we do what we have to do, so that later, we can do what we want to do." And all day long, I was focused. I was doin what I had to do - study hard, so that now, I can do what Iwant to do - watch the Season Premiere of Flavor of Love 3.

I'm a snob about lots of things. I need to get my nose out of the air when it comes to, well, just about everything. But when it comes to tv shows, I will watch just about ANYTHING. So my blanket endorsement is in no way a reflection of the quality of television out there. But i get overwhelmed by outrageous stuff like Flavor of Love, The Gauntlet, Making the Band. It's sad because I've worked so hard to become well-educated. And I just know, from the bottom of my heart, that this will be my downfall. I can feel it sucking the knowledge and intellect right out of me...Flavor Flav just said "I've had three strikes already with love...one more and I'm out."

See what I'm talking about?

Well at least I can switch between this Thomas J. Foolery and Michelle Obama on Larry King Live, in an attempt to preserve those last few brain cells.



Why can't they just bring back the West Wing?

Grammy Night "It Would Be In Good Taste To Stop The Music..."

"Six pairs of kicks is my definition of 12 steps"

Somethin' about Amy Wine-O-House gets me every time...I had my first round of Miss Winehouse at one of the '06 MTV Awards, and I thought Rehab was brilliant. Not John Legend brilliant, or Michael Jackson brilliant, but Christopher Walken brilliant. Make sense? It will. I started listening to her album "Back to Black" and it took a lil while, but once it grew on me, it just worked. She was soulful and emotional and vulnerable, but it was still hilarious and thoughtful. I know I'm not the only person who looks at her and thinks "she has a weird-shaped face and there just has to be a big-ass honeycomb in that beehive hair", but her voice...and her style...ooh and her sexy british accent...ahhh I was smitten. Smitten I say!

Then two weeks ago, I watched her do crack on youtube....

Needless to say, I really needed her to have a good night last night at the 2008 Grammy's, if for no other reason than to restore faith in my own ability to find the next great musical trendsetter...and last night did it. She brought energy and passion to the London stage during the show, and i remembered the unique brand of vocal performance that brought me to her in the first place...And those eyes...those eyes will suck you in if you're not careful....gorgeous eyes...i just wanna play the blinking game with her all day long...naked....

Beyond that, the grammy's were about as safe and uneventful as post-Janet-Superbowl entertainment shows can get....except for a few performances...Alicia Keys and John Mayer gave a performance of "No One" that felt like a warm cup of cocoa (Keys) with mini-marshmallows (Mayer) in the middle of the blistering cold (the rest of the show). Then there was Beyonce and Tina Turner! Beyonce and those legs! Tina and those legs! I was loving the energy, loving the homage that Beyonce played to her predecessor, loving the choreography, loving every second of it. Of course Rihanna, Jam and Lewis, they all brought it. But the highlight of my night was Kanye West.

The main reason that I look at Michael Jackson as the greatest performer of all time: his ability to take a good song, and great choreography, and transform it into a complete spectacle. He was the ultimate entertainer. Some artists are great performers, some are great vocalists, but Michael was an entertainer. And he founded a fraternity of musicians who, over the years, have followed the template of performing perfection, and have made up The League of Extraordinary Artists - Prince, Madonna, Usher, Justin Timberlake, Beyonce, and more recently Chris Brown. These icons have always stood out among their peers, because quite simply, they knew how to put on a show. Last night, this league inducted their newest member....Mr. Kanye West.

The military-themed, MJ-inspired glowing jacket, followed by the glow-in-the-dark Alain Mikli Shutter Shades, the retro-jordans, the fiery neon glow of the pyramids, the bass drum pounding the Daft Punk-sampled single "Stronger"...it set the tone...the greatness, not to mention the nostalgia of the 80's. Then he gives us the neon dj's in the pyramid. Fast forward...the lights dim low...the vision of a heavenly angel floating on the stage's main screen. A dim spotlight falls on the Chicago rapper, and the camera does a 360 and you finally see the word etched in the back of his head: MAMA....the strings play the familiar chords from "Hey Mama", off the Late Registration album. He fights off tears....the audience fights off tears....I fight off tears...the timpani and the strings (no drums) play the soft chords until he brings in the first verse, not to the crowd, not to the television audience, but to his recently deceased mother, the late Donda West...

In case you missed it:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TNfhBievdCs&feature=related

"Last night, I saw you in my dreams,
Now I can't wait to go to sleep..."

Powerful.

Genesis

"If you are what you say you are, a superstar, then have no fear, the camera's here, and the microphone's, and they wanna know"

I could go into a 10-page self-indulging piece about how great it is that I have finally returned to the world of blogging...i could talk about the absurd amount of time wasted on picking a blog name, (Sweet Nectar vs. The Gospel According To... vs. The Book of Jonah) until I took a step back and said to myself "ease up...jus relax"....i could waste your time going into an egotistical presentation of my resume and profile (if i were you, i'd be impressed by me) so that you can know who i am and then perhaps, you would be able to "get" me or my jokes or my less-than-sunny disposition (think Curb Your Enthusiasm's Larry David meets ESPN's Skip Bayless meets Boondocks creator Aaron McGruder), but I won't. Instead I'll just get right into it. Just like the 1977 Commodore's hit single, I'm easy like Sundary mornin'..., so for what its worth, these are my thoughts on life. Sports and Kobe, politics and Obama, entertainment and Kanye, love and Alicia Keys, school and well...i probably won't talk about school too much, and anything else I feel like talking about...that's what you'll find here...

I hate disclaimers but in the interest of full disclosure, I have to tell you that although this is my commentary, it is not meant to be taken too seriously. So if you like it, enjoy it, if you hate it, ignore it.

I remember my friend Anna said that she was feeling the pressure...i agree....Ahhhh I'm feelin the pressure....to be smart...to be funny...to be clever...Loading Witty Banter Now...Please Wait...............

Thank you for bein' a friend, travel down the road and back again...

**NOTE:   This post was written in early spring 2008...but for some reason (embarrassment, shame, or as my mother says "knowin' better"), this was not published....until NOW.....

"To voters of the world who keep supportin' me
I promise to take you very far.
Other leaders better not upset me
Or I'll send a million troops to die at war.
To all you Republicans, that helped me win
I'd sincerely like to thank ya,
Cuz now I got the world swingin' from my nuts
And damn it feels good to be a gangsta"
- Geto Boys

On the heels of yet another big primary day, the democratic party couldn’t be any further from selecting a nominee, while John McCain has now officially locked down the Republican nomination for president. I can't begin to tell you how difficult this is to fathom, because one more week of this primary is daunting, but if it goes the distance, all the way to the Democratic National Convention in Denver Colorado, then it could be several months of bickering and fighting and arguing and misconstruing. And yes, if you know me, you know who I support. And I believe the pathetic, petty bickering is one-sided, and without that side (I'm not saying any names), we would have a much more substantive, legitimate debate between the world's oldest man, and the world's best African-American.


Looking back, I think the Obama campaign has done an amazing job, and is to be commended. But there are still a few things that have yet to be considered. In particular, there are a few celebrity endorsements that the Obama campaign has failed to lock down, endorsements which would be a key element in a long term strategy to make Barack Obama the most popular man in the world. So here goes. The top 10 endorsements Obama has yet to obtain….


10. Al Gore - Obama has the endorsement of former Democratic Presidential Nominee, John Kerry. And he has Massachusetts Senator Ted Kennedy. But it would not hurt to have one more political heavyweight. Some have mentioned Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi, but I say that he needs Al Gore. Democrats still feel screwed out of the 2000 election, and Al Gore, well he simply couldn't take it anymore and he turned into a tree-hugging hippie that cares more about the ocean than America. Not that I blame him. But his support could provide a much needed bump for the Obama Camp.

9. Dan Marino - One of the greatest NFL quarterbacks of all time and an all around handsome white dude, Dan Marino would make a great endorser for Obama. The results of the Florida primary still hang in the balance, and if there was any Floridian with the power to overturn Gov. Charlie Crist, its Dan Marino. Up until recently, he held the record for career TD passes, TD passes in a season, among others, he is an analyst for CBS Sports, and he had a marvelous cameo in Ace Ventura: Pet Detective. If I were Obama or campaign manager David Axelrod, I would be heading Dolphin country TODAY to make this happen. Honorable Mention: Big Tuna Bill Parcells (He's mean and I would vote for whoever he told me to vote for)

8. Kobe Bryant - Forgive me for putting Kobe so high on this list. He should be number 1 on any list. But when it comes to black men and white women, Kobe is a lot like Obama. Every time he's about to seal the deal (wink wink), she starts whining and complaining and lying about him. Yes, I went there. The truth is, Kobe is the greatest player in the NBA. And he is still a class act, regardless of what you may think. You don’t have to believe every person is guilty just because a white girl says so. That’s not always the case (see O.J. Simpson), but in many times it is. And its about time that the black man triumphed when put in this lose-lose situation. No disrespect to white women. But this thing is getting ridiculous. I wonder if I'm really gonna publish this one or just edit it out…...

7. Ron Mexico - In March 2005 a woman named Sonya Elliott filed a civil lawsuit against NFL QB Michael Vick alleging she contracted genital herpes from Vick, in the autumn of 2002, and that he failed to inform her that he had the disease. Elliot further alleged that Vick had visited clinics under the alias "Ron Mexico" to get treatments and thus he knew of his condition. On April 24, 2006 Vick's attorney, Lawrence Woodward, revealed that the lawsuit had settled out of court with an undisclosed amount. Many fans bought custom jerseys from NFL.com with Vick's number 7 and the name "MEXICO" on the back, as a reference to his lawsuit. The NFL has since banned customizing jerseys with the name Mexico. Ok who am I kidding? Lets, keep this guy as far away from Obama as possible. BTW, my Ron Mexico incognito name is Rock Gambia.

6. Michael Jackson - No one has done more for the world than Michael Jackson. He is the greatest person ever. He has overcome tremendous obstacles in order to become a great performer and an even greater philanthropist. Obama and Jackson are the best individuals to improve America's profile with the rest of the world. Michael could win the black vote, the white vote, the old white woman vote, the child vote, the animal vote, the sick people vote, the Bahrainian-American vote, the Jehovah Witness vote, the Chris Tucker Vote, the Emanuel Lewis vote, my vote, the list just goes on and on. If you think I'm being oblivious to recent history regarding Mr. Jackson, then let me remind you that it is your right as an American citizen to close this site.

5. Snoop Dogg - Bow Wow Wow Yippee-Yo Yes-We Can! Obizzle needs to win California. Mr. Calvin Broaddus a.k.a. Snoop Dogg, still runs the West Coast. Plus he survived a stint with Death Row, Suge Knight, AND No Limit Records. Obizzle and Mr. D-O-Double-G both have recreational drug use in their past. And if Snoop wasn't dark-skinned, his lips still would be, just like Obizzle. Both family men, both take father hood very seriously. And I think Obizzle could C-walk with the best of them. Obizzle has went on national television and danced, played basketballball and told us that he works out everyday. If he can rap too, then that’s it. That’s all she wrote….

4. Brett Fav-ruh - People love Brett Fav-ruh. He has all kinds of records as QB of Green Bay, and he seems to be a real class act. But that’s not why I am suggesting his name for endorsement. This race is going to be a long race. We need candidates that are in it for the long haul. We need people who refuse to quit. No one has refused to quit for longer than Brett Fav-ruh. He has been in this thing for years, and he knows all about staying in the game, when everyone else tells him to retire already. If Obama ever gets weary and tired, then he can count on Fav-ruh to talk him into staying in this thing. Plus, Fav-ruh would definitely be able to deliver Wisconsin. I dunno why…but I bet he's a Republican….

3. Chuck Norris or Andy Griffith - "Blue-collar, Rural"* voters love 'em….Either of these guys would be able to deliver this demographic.
4. If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
5. Andy Griffith can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
6. Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Andy Griffith.
7. Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
*(Blue-collar, Rural = White)

2. The Lady from Murder She Wrote - Older women voters love them. I don’t know why. But they do. Honorable Mention: Phil Donahue.  (Several years later, I remember her name was Angela Lansbury.  Is she still with us?)

1. Kanye West - Name one person who had the endorsement of Kanye West, and then lost the race for President. Think long and hard. Give up? Good. Now, there are millions of reasons why Obama To The needs Kanye To The. He could create an amazing soundtrack to this campaign. He could influence Obama To The to wear neon ties and Dior shades and Bathing Apes. He could influence Obama To The to get a part on the side of his head. He could convince Obama to give speeches with Louis Vuitton backpacks on his back. And the best reason of all, he could finally get on stage and say what every last one of us have been thinking for the past year…."Bill and Hillary Clinton do not care about black people."