It's A Good Time To Be A Fan of Good Music

People wanna know why I don't like Sarah Palin….truthfully, I don't NOT like Sarah Palin. I just have a problem with people who overstep their boundaries and claim that they are capable and qualified to do things which the world knows is not true. Honestly, she'd be a great elementary school teacher. Or sports news anchor. Or one of those nice ladies who wears the green apron at Starbucks. Or one of those sweet gals who work in the entertainment business as a private entertainer at social business establishments designated for gentlemen. Just not Vice President of the United States. (and I don’t really delve into political blogging, but the ones who piss me off the most are the conservatives who won't admit that she's drastically unqualified. I mean, its ok if you wanna go ahead and vote McCain, but don’t insult everyone including yourself by actually defending her as a legitimate candidate. Don’t be a friggin buffoon!)

I am sorry for that. Let me move on to the purpose of this entry.

In my effort to be a better person, I want to always be able to admit when I am out of my league. For example, I'm not great at reviewing albums. I just never really know the right thing to say. I know when I like an album, and I know why I like an album, but I can never convey this without failing to resist the temptation to sound intellectual and creative and insightful into the world of music (and once I try, I usually fail miserably at that too.) Honestly, I think the whole notion of critiquing someone's artistic expression and saying something that might discourage others from sampling it is just wrong. We all feel things differently, and we see paintings differently, we smell the flowers differently, we taste gourmet food differently, and of course, we hear music differently. Just because I think that Jason Mraz sounds like pure musical bliss doesn’t mean you will. Just because I think Danity Kane has less than talent than the crud at the bottom of my kitchen sink doesn’t mean that they actually do have less talent than the crud at the bottom of my kitchen sink. I can gladly recommend new music, but I hate to discourage people from experiences that they might otherwise enjoy.

But I still have to at least address the recent surge in good music. This time last year, we had just received the Kanye/50 Cent albums, but beyond that the market was dry as John McCain's epidermis. I bitched and moaned for weeks about how there was no music. A year later, there is nothing but good music, so here are my top 6 albums (in no particular order) that you should be listening to and why...

T.I. - Paper Trail - Something about the prospect of federal pound-me-in-the-ass prison brings out the best in an artist...

Day26 - Day26 - Sure it’s not as new, but you'd be surprised how many people have actually written these guys off before giving them a chance. You heard it from me…they have vocals…and the harmony is the stuff only rivaled by classic boys ii men

Kanye West - 808's & Heartbreak - I'm deeply offended that you think I actually need to explain why this will be good…as if the name Kanye West wasn't enough….

Beyonce - I Am….Sasha Fierce - Ok remember that stuff I said earlier about not being a hater who discourages people from listening to stuff that they would otherwise like? Well that’s the basis of Beyonce making this list. In the interest of full disclosure, I just can't get excited about Beyonce's music…not cause she can't sing…I just can never understand the words…maybe a lil yahoo lyrics would make it better for me….

Mary Mary - The Sound - I've never really given them a chance before…but I should have… this album takes contemporary gospel to a whole new level. Well I don't really know what level contemporary gospel currently is so I cant accurately say whether or not Mary Mary takes it to a level different from the one that it currently resides. (This is why I don’t review albums…I never know what to say)

John Legend - Evolver - You ever bite a steak when you're really hungry and the first bite is just "mmmmmm wow"? That would be "Get Lifted". But then after that first bite, you think, "the first bite was the best bite, and although I am looking forward to cherishing every morsel of this steak, the first bite was the best…" and then…"HOLY SHIT the second bite tastes even better…" That would be "Once Again". Then after the second bite… you drink some water, take a bite of your roll, eat a little bit of your side salad. Then you're ready for bite three. And you have expectations that bite three will be as tasteful as bite one and two, but you also know that not every bite can possibly be great. Then you take bite three…."mmmmmmmmmmmmmm so great. I can't believe it. My compliments to the chef…" I love the new album "Evolver". And I'm hungry.

Honorable Mentions of 2008 - The Roots - Rising Down

Dishonorable Mention - The most overrated, overplayed, overhyped album ever - Lil' Wayne - Tha Carter III

Was Today A Good Day?

"Just waking up in the morning gotta thank God
I don't know but today seems kinda odd" - Ice Cube

Sometimes it's hard to say that today was a good day. It was. But sometimes, it doesn’t feel right to say that today was a good day for you, when so much tragedy surrounds you. I can't help but be focused on this Jennifer Hudson family tragedy. I don’t think the tragic loss that celebrities suffer is any worse than that of us common folk, but there was something about the brutality of this situation that has stuck with me.

To preface this, I guess I should explain my own feelings on the senselessness of murder. Ending someone's life, under any circumstances, to me, is an unnecessary irrevocable extreme. But my sympathy for murdered drug dealers, violent criminals, men who abuse their wives, adults who molest, assault, neglect children, thieves who would rather put effort into taking your shit than to get a job to earn their own…my sympathy for these people has its limits. So when I see on the news that someone has been murdered in the midst of a drug deal or some other violent act, I guess its easy for me to move on. When I hear that someone innocent has died in some kind of altercation, my heart goes out, but at least I can imagine the circumstances that led to such a killing. I mean, it wasn't justified, but I suppose I see the reason it happened. But when a man, for no reason, takes the life of an innocent unarmed woman, or a small harmless child, I have almost no remorse for whatever horror befalls that person.

I was saddened to see that Hudson's mother and brother had been murdered on Friday, but when I woke up yesterday to find the news that the little 7 year old nephew had been murdered, I was shocked. I will never understand what the little boy could have possibly done to deserve that. It would have been just as easy for the man to dump the boy on the side of the road. The man has already been identified, the world knows who he is, the police know exactly who they are looking for. What could the boy have possibly told the police that they didn’t already know? Senseless. Merciless. Heartless. Cruel. I just don’t understand why this is what we have become…hearing about this type of news makes everything else seem so small.

Still that is what separates us from them. The merciful from the merciless. We should care, we should be upset, we should be bothered, we should be saddened. Not just about this, but all of the tragedy we see. (and in this world, we see plenty). When we see the names of soldiers who have been killed or students who have been shot at school or innocent drivers who have died in horrific accidents on the same highways that we drive up and down everyday…we should feel something. It has become so easy to allow ourselves to become desensitized to the world around us. Let this be a reminder to those I care about to cherish your life, and the lives of those around you. Tragedy shouldn’t have to hit us or our families in order for us to feel. I love you all and I thank God for every day that we continue to share on this earth...

Thought for the Day

"Remember that show on Nickelodeon with Mark Summers called "What Would You Do?" and the pies in everyone's face all the time...? Good show..."


The Thought for the Day...
If you were given the chance to witness an execution, would you go?

Saw V Review - You Will Believe How It Ends

Review of Saw 5

I am a huge fan of Saw V. Saw V, however, did not win the box office last weekend, because of High School Musical 3. Someone close to me, without just cause, has supported and even blogged about HSM3, and it saddens me. He is indeed less of a man now because of his recent actions. But more importantly, he has shed light on an ever-increasing problem with our generation. We are getting soft. We prefer cheesy dance musicals instead of good ol' fashion horror movies and suspense thrillers. I will not live in a society that tolerates such softness, especially by those who are close to me. Therefore, for every action there shall be an equal but opposite reaction. My equal but opposite reaction to my friends horrible blog post about HSM 3 is the following:

A great blog review of Saw V.

**SPOILER ALERT**…

I will try to avoid giving a full synopsis of this film, because that's not a review (and because it would take too long to explain…instead, go see it…right now…). But here goes….My biggest anticipation of this film was the background that would be revealed about John Kramer aka Jigsaw, and the new apprentice, Detective Mark Hoffman. I must say that the writers came up with a clever way to tie these two individuals together, surprisingly, from the very beginning of Jigsaw's journey. The four prior movies gave us no indication that there was a second apprentice alongside Amanda Young, but V's explanation was completely realistic and legitimate. Obstacle #1 has been overcome.

My first criticism of the movie, (yes I am capable of being critical towards SAW), deals with the plot line of the 5 individuals in the new game. I have yet to articulate what it was that I didn't like about their story arc, but it just didn't match up with the previous films. They were supposed to be five individuals, all from privileged backgrounds, who were selfish and incapable of teamwork. One of the problems with these characters was that their character development was less than subtle, and instead of us finding out what we needed to know based on their actions, they would just come right out and say it "I'm rich and spoiled and I take shortcuts on my job". The second flaw in this arc was the traps….every trap centered around the same concept…a room with a pipe bomb, and 15 minutes for them to figure out how to get out of the room before the bomb goes off. I always take pride in the creative gruesome ways that the Saw writers come up with to kill the characters, but sticking them in a room with a bomb four times, jut not impressive. The last trap was quite gruesome and fairly complex, but that was about it….

Finally, let me go "stereotypical black dude" on you for a second. Do you remember the movie Scream 2 where they crazy ass killer murdered Omar Epps and Jada Pinkett in the first 5 minutes of the movie? That sparked a huge controversy in the black community based on one simple question "Why do the black people always have to get killed first?" Well, as Hollywood/white people always do, they came up with a solution to take away our argument while ensuring that we stay oppressed. So instead of killing us FIRST, they have now decided to kill us WORST. For example:

Saw 2 - Glenn Plummer gets in a fight with the crazy drug dealer and gets a bat full of nails to the head…splitting his head open.

Saw 3 - Mpho Koaho is placed in a device called The Rack, a machine that slowly, torturously twists his arms, legs, and head until the bones break, popping out of the skin.

And in Saw V, Megan Goode, well, let's just say, the other victims turn on her and make sure that she dies in an unnecessarily violent fashion. But I won't ruin for those poor saps who have yet to see it….

Finally…the ending…

The Saw franchise has developed a reputation of having great plot twists in the endings, and usually with the purpose of setting up the next film…

And for some reason, the writers and directors began to believe their own hype…

So they marketed the film with this tagline …"You won't believe how it ends…"

Bad idea. Why? Because the ending wasn't great? No, and the ending was great. Because it opened up a whole new world of questions to be answered in the next film, frustrating fans for another year? No, it actually answered more questions and explained many things from the previous films.

So why was this such a bad marketing scheme? Because Saw, despite its gloriousnessnessness, has developed a very small die-hard fan base, and the rest of the world is full of speculating douche bags who flood our message boards with things like "why do they keep making Saw movies, they suck….they're stupid….they're not even scary…isn't he dead?" So the last thing we need is another movie that has been overhyped so much that it is impossible for the movie to meet the unreasonable expectations it has set for itself. I feel like that is what happened with Saw V. A lot of fans, NOT ME, were disappointed with Saw IV so they were looking for V to revive the franchise. And this movie did. But was it as great as it was expected to be? To me…absolutely..but to the average moviegoer…perhaps not. That's not a reflection on the movie, but on the idiots at Lionsgate who decided to publicize the movie by declaring in advance that the ending would be unbelievable. Hey Lionsgate…just let it happen, don’t force it….

With all of that being said, I highly recommend Saw V. Here is my preference of the movies. Saw 1, Saw 3, Saw 5, Saw 2, Saw 4. Would love some feedback on the movie for those REAL Fans….and for those who don’t like it…DON’T GO SEE IT!!! IT'§ THAT SIMPLE. IS IT NOT ENOUGH FOR YOU TO JUST AVOID THE MOVIE YOURSELF, DO YOU REALLY HAVE TO GO OUT OF YOUR WAY TO DISCOURAGE OTHERS FROM GOING? ASSHOLES.

www.saw5.com

Seven Houses Build a Home

John McCain and his wife had one house.

Then one day he came in and she says "Honey, i don't really like this wallpaper." he says, "me neither, lets go buy another house and put better wallpaper in there"

then she was like "honey, i like the wallpaper in this our second house, but i don't really like the green shutters, black would be better." and he says "yeah black would be better. lets buy a new house, in addition to the other two we have, and put black shutters on there"

then one day she said, "honey lets go to florida for vacation this summer." he says "ok yeah sounds fun." she says, "ok great, ill make hotel reservations tomorrow" he says "nah don't worry about it, lets just buy another house down there so we can have somewhere to stay for a few days"

then one day they were watching tv and she says "honey, wanna go out for some ice cream? I've got a taste for some mint chocolate chip." he says "ok sounds good. I've got a taste for a fifth house so we can pick one of those up too"

then one Christmas, she says "merry Christmas honey" and she gives him a gift. inside is a nice watch. then he says "thanks honey, merry Christmas" and then gives her a box. inside is a key to the new house.

then one day she comes home and says "honey im home." no response. She walks around looking for him, but no luck. then she sees a note on the kitchen table. It reads "gone to buy a house, be back soon. lets do chicken salad for dinner. love johnny"

Silly Gamer, Wii's are for Aliens

Let me pose a hypothetiical to you. Let's say that you are an iinventor. And you want to make money. So you need to iinvent somethiing that wiill make lots of money. Somethiing that everyone wiill want, something that wiill appeal to the masses. Let's say that you come up wiith a desiign for somethiing that can appeal to miilliions. People of all ages, of all races, men and women, boys and giirls, EVERYONE. Lets say that, iiniitiially, you only make 5 of this wiidget, ya know, just iin case iits not a big hit. So you make 5 and they sell, fast. Ok, now iits safe to make 10. So you make 10 wiidgets, then they sell even faster. Next tiime you'll make 20. Meanwhiile, word of your wiidget iis spreadiing faster than AIIDS iin a hookerhouse. Thiis iis what economists calls a demand. You deciide to make your widget very iinexpensiive, makiing iit even more affordable to the masses. Now you've got what II liike to call a SUPERdemand. Lets say that after a few months, you are sold out, and you see that there is a demand for thiis wiidget, a demand so great that you could sell 1000 wiidgets a month. PROFIIT....riight? Well then what would YOU do? Would you produce 1000 wiidgetsa month, sell them, maxiimiize your profiit? Sounds about right? oooooooooooor.....Would you contiinue to make 10 per month, not even comiing close to maxiimiiziing your profit, and make your potentiial consumers angry and frustrated? IIf you were born wiith a braiin, you would choose optiion one.

Well apparently, the software developers of the Niintendo corporatiion were born completely braiinless. Eiither that or Terrii Schiiavo has been iin charge of sales for the past two years. That's because the &^%*$#% iidiiots at Niintendo have created an overwhelmiing demand for theiir new console, the Niintendo Wee. But they've deciided that they have neiither the desiire nor the capabiiliity to turn a profiit, so they are now produciing just enough Wee consoles to sell only three systems a month. As a semii-aviid gamer, II recently deciided that II would purchase one of these consoles. But Niintendo had other plans. II went to Ciircuit Ciity and they laughed at me for showiing up at the store duriing regular store hours. II showed up at BestBuy and the associiate liistened to my questiion and then walked away from me with a smiirk on hiis face, (II was obviously too dumb to warrant service). II went to EB Games and realiized that the eliitiist snob assholes who work iin those kiinds of stores beliieve that they know everythiing about every game ever and revel iin every opportuniity to educate the unknowiing iidiiot consumers who were stupiid enough to even show up iin theiir great stores. (and iif you've ever triied to ask them questiions, you know that you have to walk riight up in theiir faces, and they usually stiink because as soon as they get off work, they go home and play theiir games and eat theiir hotpockets and Totiinos piizzas untiil iits tiime to go back to work, no showering, no shaving (which explains why they all have long dirty shaggy beards), no brushing teeth, no hygiiene at all. And you stand there waiiting for them to do theiir job but fiirst they have to fiiniish telliing theiir co-workers and all the other weiirdo loiiterers who just hang around those kinds of places about how they just beat some random-ass fiirst person shooter game for the 8th tiime wiithout usiing any cheats). Then II went to Wal-Mart, Target, K-Mart and every other place iin the ciity that miight sell consoles, and they all saiid no as fast as possiible, seemiingly to make me hurt, to make me sad, to make me angry, to make me want to wriite a very strongly worded letter. Do not ask me about the Wee. II now resent Niintendo. And II would just as soon piiss on a Wee then to play on one.

II can't beliieve that the Wee is made by the same legendary company who iintroduced me to the greatest IItaliian siibliings siince Miichael and Sonny Corleone... Mariio and Luiigii - the Super Mariio Brothers. Back then, the NES and SNES was the biirthriight of all people. Those creators would be rolliing over iin theiir graves iif they knew what the heiirs to theiir gamiing throne were doing to the reputatiion of Niintendo. IIF they knew how, after a year of boomiing sales, the bastards are stiil refusiing to iincrease theiir productiion iin order to proviide for those who just want to play. The bastards have thiis commerciial that says "Wee would liike to play...", well dammiit II WOULD LIIKE TO PLAY! SO JUST MAKE SOME MORE DAMN WEE'S FOR EVERYBODY! GEEZ! *&^@!!!!!

Back to our hypothetical. Let’s also assume that there is another invention3 out there. And this invention3 has been very successful in the past. So you decide to try and profit from this mass appeal, so you create a new version of this invention, a better version, a more appealing version. And the appeal continues. The anticipation of your product spreads, not like the widget from the first hypothetical, but faster. This one is spreading faster than Herpes on a 10-year old stripper pole. So, using economics, you jack up the prices to double of what’s reasonable. Then you put them into the market. But something happens. They don’t sell. Why? Because unlike the first two generations of your invention3, this one has competition, REAL competition, not Xcompetition but real competition. This new wiidget is much cheaper, much more fresh, much more appealing, and they’ve created some kind of insane demand (See hypothetical one), and you are in trouble. So what should you do to stay competitive? Make your invention3 more appealing right? Lower the price? Offer some new features? Make it compatible with older versions of your invention3? Makes sense…but NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, that’s not what the Sunni Corporation has done. That’s right Sunni, not Sony. Sunni , as un-American as it gets, for what they are doing to the supporters of previous game consoles. I have one PlayStation. I have TWO PlayStations (that’s right, TWO. I could have abandoned them after my first piece of junk broke, and I could have become and Ex-box man. But instead I stuck with the undeserving bastards and bought a new PS2.) And after I realized that I would NEVER EVER find a Wee for sale, I decided to buy a PS3. Only to find out that the Sunni Playstation3 does not have backwards technology, meaning that it won’t play games from previous consoles. Thousands of dollars in games, consoles, accessories, strategy guides, and more, that’s what I’ve invested in the Sunni Corporation. And this is the thanks I get. A big fuck you, start over with a brand new system with no old games that will play, buy new games for 60 bucks a pop, and then in a year will come out with a PS4 and you can start again! That’s what they do to me. There’s a reason that the shelves are full of PS3’s. NO ONE WANTS THEM! I don’t have one, none of my friends have one, and no one is even talking about them. They are overpriced. The technology can’t possibly be worth the price, even reduced. They are nearly twice as much as the Wee (not that it matters, because Wee’s are never for sale in stores anyway). And they don’t have enough games to even talk about. It’s ridiculous. 2006 was a great year for the launching of the Wee, the ExBox 180, and the PS2.99999999. But it also launched the death of a consumer-driven market for gamers. It’s no longer fun. It’s no longer affordable. It’s no longer reasonable. I’m just hurt. Even this blog is a disappointment, as I realize that words can’t begin to describe my anger and frustration…I’m gonna go read a book….

Untitled (How Does it Feel)

Yeah that's right ladies and germs. I need to know how it feels. So when you read the posts, take a second and leave some comments. Tell me what you like, what you remember, what you hated, what made you laugh, what made you mad, how great i am, how awful i am (dont bother), and to keep it coming. I do it for you as much as I do it for me, so let me know that you are love it, that you are at least reading it, that you are still alive out there....

Gnarly Barks is Back!

NBA All-Star Weekend Redux

"Watch me crank and watch me roll..."

Superman Dwight Howard, The Reincarnation of Lebron Lame, and the rebirth of New Orleans post-Hurricane Katrina. Better late than never, here it is: NBA All Star Weekend Redux.

Friday Night - Rookie v. Sophomore Game - I'll admit it. I didn't get to watch this game, and if i had the opportunity to, I probably would have changed the channel. To be honest, I think the Rookie vs. Sophomore game is the worst way to kick off this exciting weekend. It just sounds boring. I'm an NBA enthusiast, but i just can't get excited about the opening night. But I did catch the highlights of the night, and I saw that rookie sensation from the Cleveland Cavaliers Daniel Gibson shot an amazing 11 tres in the game. NORMALLY, this would mean that he was the star of the night. For the first time ever. Because every other night of his career he is overshadowed by the NBA's Anointed One, the Colossus of Clout, the King of Crash, the Titan of Terror, The Sultan of Swat........... the Great LAMEbino, LEBRON LAME!














So on this night, Gibson has a spectacular game, and is supposed to get the glory for it. As soon as the game is over, the ESPN announcer finds Gibson for post-game commentary.
Now for those who don't normally watch sports, the post-game commentary is reserved for those 1 or 2 individuals who had a stellar night. The analyst finds the star of the night and asks them the basic "How does it feel....what was going through your head...how did you do...etc." This player of the game has earned his 30 seconds in the spotlight.
So Gibson is standing with the analyst and she asks him about the night. He opens his mouth to speak. When out of nowhere, this big ugly smelly fat rude inconsiderate jackass runs on the court, directly to the Gibson interview and says "Hi I'm Lebron James"
This jackass proceeds to spend the next 45 seconds boasting about himself and how great he is and how great he looks and how great his fart smells and how beautiful the carpet in his home is and, well, you get the point. Finally, he stops and says "Ok, well I'll let this guy have his moment in the spotlight "(the moment which has now passed because of Lebron's rant) "ill have my own moment on Sunday anyway." Is it really too hard for Lebron to not be in the spotlight? For one night? I mean damn, he wasn't even playing? He wasn't even in the damn game, what could he possibly have to say about his performance that when he didn't perform? What an ass!

Saturday Night - Skills Challenge, Three-Point Shootout, Slam Dunk Contest

I guess these mini-competitions are pretty fun and exciting to watch, but its just not enough. We get only two hours of this stuff, and we only see about 12 players compete overall. I say we expand the competitions...Why of course i have ideas! I thought you'd never ask....

1. Hot Dog Eating Contest - Sound simple enough, right? Well to add a twist, it should be made up of the league's leading hot dogs. Let the fans vote. This season the competitors include: "Lebron Lame, Kobe Bryant, Allen Iverson, and Josh Smith"

2. Wii Bowling - I wanna see the leagues big guys playing the Wii - Yao Ming, Shaquille O'Neal, Dwight Howard, Shawn Marion.

3. Coaches Crank Dat contest - Who can Superman dat ho? The all-star game should really include the coaches more in the festivities, and what better way than an old school dance off.
Phil Jackson, Byron Scott, Pat Riley, and Gregg Popovich

4. Arm Wrestling - Shag vs. Dwight Howard

5. WNBA Mud Wrestling - hahahahhahahahaha. (If women's basketball is a sport, then so is mud wrestling)

6. All-Star Boxing - Jermaine O'Neal vs. Carmelo Anthony

7. And1 vs. NBA game - Outdoor pick up game. Anything goes.

8. NBA Dunk Contest JACKASS STYLE - That's right. Let's have those guys from MTV's Jackass come in and do crazy stuff to the players as they try and dunk. Let Steve-O shoot paintballs at Gerald Green while he tries to dunk. Let Dwigh Howard dunk Wee-man into the hoop. Let Chris Pontius put on the tuxedo thong and bowtie and start humping Brandon Roy when he tries to dunk.

9. Bake-off - Lets have Mark Cuban representing management, David Stern representing administration, Tony Kornheiser representing the media, and Kevin Garnett representing the players. "Why will I ever need to know how to make Tiramisu?!?"

10. Mock Debate - Lets have a real debate about issues affecting America (Iraq War, Health Care, Economy, Education)
And the debaters are....
Yao Ming
Rasheed Wallace
Allen Iverson ("we're talkin about practice?")
Ron Artest

Well the rest of the weekend was a wash (Is that a generational term?) I dunno....Dwight was amazing and he wins the dunk contest in legendary fashion....Lebron Lame cheats Ray Allen out of the MVP in the game...but the best part about NBA All Star Weekend is that now my excitement for the NBA is renewed. more to come later....

What ever happened to...? Vol. 1

"Geico... so easy, a black man could do it..."

What ever happened to those Geico commercials with the cavemen? Remember when those first came out?

"I'll have the roast duck with the mango salsa." That line was great. And then the other commercial where the guy was in the subway and he sees the poster of the caveman he gets pissed off. Great song by the way ("Remind Me" by Royksopp). Then they came out with that terrible sitcom about cavemen that just didn't work. They should just keep the 30 second commercials coming. There is the real hilarity.

I say, bring back Captain Cavemen. He used to come on tv in the middle of the Flintstone Kids....Now Captain Caveman was a real boss of the prehistoric world. He had that big ass club and he used to try and smash everybody with it. But he was incompetent so his son had to look out for him. And they would always say things like "Caaaptttaiiin CAAAAAAVVVVVEEEEMMMMMMMAAAAAAAAN....and son." I miss that show....

The He-Man Woman Haters Club

There's really only two ways to talk about Valentine's Day.

1. Boast about the extraordinary satisfaction you have in your own love life.

2. Bash everyone who boasts about the extraordinary satisfaction they have in their own love life because you can't find anything to boast about.

I declare both of these to be in poor taste. I will do neither.

However, in the spirit of this day, I will focus on some of my personal romantic favorites.

Favorite Love Movies

A Walk To Remember - I saw this movie in theaters three or four times, and it moved me every time. So much so, that I can't watch it anymore. It was that powerful. If you wanna see the true forces of love in action, watch the struggle that the young man goes through in finding love and in turn, finding himself. Mandy Moore is great in this movie as well. (yeah fellas I know, Im gonna have to write about 10 sports blogs to get any ounce of masculine credibility back.

When Harry Met Sally - The epitome of the romantic comedy. This movie maintains hilarity from beginning to end. And for those of you who believe in "The One" (ya know, out of 6,000,000,000 people on earth, you think that there is 1 specific person meant for you and you can only hope that you actually get to interact with that one person and then maybe you will get to know them and then maybe you will like them and then mmmmmmaaaaaaayyyybbbbbbeeeeee they like you back and then maybe you give it a shot and then maybe it works out in the end and you get married and live HEA) then this movie is for you.

Ghost - Ok so we all know that we are going to die. The facts of life. But can you imagine meeting someone that you love so incredibly much, that even when you die, you still live for? Wrap your head around that one. Still creepy to think that a ghost can have a human tho….lots of mechanical questions that bring that relationship into question. Still, great movie. Patrick Swayze and Whoopi Goldberg.

Honorable Mention

Tyler Perry's "Why Did I Get Married?" - or so I hear.

Saw I-IV - horror is the ultimate aphrodisiac

The Little Rascals

Wedding Singer

The Princess Bride - CLASSIC

Favorite Love Songs

"Always and Forever" by Heatwave. Such a classic golden oldie. This classic soul ballad has staying power. And if you have the album to play on an old turntable, it makes it even more romantic…

"One In A Million" by Larry Graham - This song is about more than just love. Its about the realization that comes to man when he finds the most special lady in the world, and he makes the only decision that he knows to make, ask her to be in his life forever. Plenty of men have developed the reputation for being womanizers, for having wandering eyes, and for "not being able to commit." But Ladies, we're not that different. We really are looking for that special one in a million gal who makes it all

worthwhile. Maybe not right now, but years down the road, perhaps…

"You Give Me Something" by James Morrison - I'm a sucker for the oldies, and I love to say that a song has withstood the test of time. But there are some more contemporary artists out there today that still know how to pour their true sincere emotions into a song. One such fellow is Mr. James Morrison. If you haven't heard this song, check it out. He speaks for every man that is ready but isn't, is sure but isn't, wants to but can't. When he says "you give me something/ that makes me scared alright/this could be nothing/but I'm willing to give it a try" That may not seem like much to the one looking for the world, but it’s a start. And the first step could be the most important step of all.

Honorable Mention

"Can't Let Go" by Anthony Hamilton

"Hanging By A Moment" by Lifehouse

"L-O-V-E" by Nat King Cole

"Your Body Is A Wonderland" by John Mayer

"I'm Goin' Down" by Mary J. Blige (original by Rose Royce"

"No One" by Alicia Keys

"My Body" by LSG

"Sex, Love, and Pain" by Tank

"Bittersweet Poetry" by Kanye West ft. John Mayer

Favorite Love Food

Chicken Tenders - I don't remember much about my high school dating life, by choice, but I do recall a recurring awkward adolescent moment from those times. Every time that I went out for a date or for one of those snowball or prom dances, we would always go to dinner. And I would be so nervous, and incredibly self-conscious about everything, my breath, the boogers in my nose, the three hairs on my chin, the specs of pepper" that always got stuck on my front tooth, my dry hands, my hair, the ironed collar on my shirt which kept falling, do my shoes match properly, am I funny (of course I am), am I being a gentleman (of course I am), etc. Anyways, back to food. So I would always get the chicken tenders, thinking that was the safest possible food with very little chances of spill, significantly decreased effect on breath compared to a burger or a salad, and they taste good everywhere you go. So, chicken tenders.

(Note: Now that I'm a big boy, and somewhat less self-conscious, and because usually I'm the one paying, I've become much more comfortable ordering whatever I'm in the mood for while on a date, which is usually something manly like a big steak or lobster. Manly man! Brawny man! Is pasta a man-food?

Honorable Mention

Shrimp Pasta

Chocolate Cake

Favorite Drink

Merlot - I prefer something dark and subtle with a hint of fruity sweetness. Its pleasing to the palate, and it looks cool in a big wine glass.

Honorable Mention

Kool-aid

Ginger Ale

Favorite Color

Black - I like formal. Black is easy to become formal. Its classy and subtle. Don't wear bright bold colors. Call me safe, but I don’t like people who try to make big bold fashion statements on dates.

Red - Wear it with black. A little too cliché, but I can pull it off. If you can too, do it.

Honorable Mention

Blue

Favorite Activity

Ice Skating - The best dates are the most interactive ones. If you both can ice skate, then you can have a blast on the ice. If you can't, you can have even more of a blast. Automatic excuse to hold hands while you scoot around the rink. And if you are lucky enough to fall down, you fall together and then laugh and pull each other up (symbolism) and then you try again. Then afterwards enjoy some warm cocoa together. Very fun.

Wal-Mart - If you have never walked through every single aisle of Wal-Mart with the one you love, then you haven't lived my friends. I can't describe the amount of pleasure you can get out of Wal-Mart with that special someone.

Blind Date: Go out for a drink. I can't stress this enough. This is Dating 101. This is the most elastic date one can go on. It can be as short or as long as you need it to be. If you are meeting someone for the first time, and you don't know what to expect, go out for drinks. If you like what you see, order as many rounds as you want…if you don't, you can finish that one drink as fast as you can, tip the bartender, and then "go to the bathroom", never to be seen or heard from again. Foolproof. (Disclaimer: I have never tried this, so I am not responsible for any negative events that occur as a result of attempting to pull this off).

Honorable Mention

Movie - only comedies, laughter and jokes breed interaction

Favorite Couple

Barack and Michelle Obama - I love the interactions between these two individuals. If you listen to the way they speak about each other, the way they look at each other, they way smile and stare into each other's eyes, amidst the overwhelming chaos, you may be overwhelmed. They have truly found love and happiness in each other's lives. They are a classy couple of our generation and I love to see them together. They have two beautiful little girls, and this couple seems to be very grounded in the stability that they have created. I really like these two...

Honorable Mention

Jay-Z and Rihanna

Victor and Nikki Newman (old school Young and the Restless, what you know about that?)

The old couple at my church who always walk around the mall together holding hands and going out to Captain D's for fish. So cute.

Amen.

I PROMISE TO RESTORE YOUR FAITH IN MY MASCULINITY TOMORROW!

The Grammy's - Part 2

Ok apparently I left out a couple of blog-worthy tidbits about this year's Grammy Awards.

First of all, it seems as though the original Queen of Soul Urethra Franklin is a little bit "perturbed" to say the least, following the high-octane (i love that adjective) performance of Beyonce and Tina Turner. At the beginning of the performance, Beyonce paid homage to several female pioneers in music, including the great Urethra Franklin. Then Beyonce introduced Tina Turner, with whom should would be sharing the stage (See: High-Octane Performances) by saying "Ladies and Gentleman, stand on your feet and give it up for the Queen, Tina Turner!"

Later, Urethra Franklin commented on how she felt slighted by the introduction, particularly the fact that Turner, and not Franklin, was referred to as "Queen". She released the following statement: "I am not sure of whose toes I may have stepped on or whose ego I may have bruised between the Grammy writers and Beyonce, however, I dismissed it as a cheap shot for controversy."

Let me first say that I have the utmost respect for a woman who truly is a pioneer of the industry and has been for many decades (how many artists can say they have been on top for years, much less decades). AAAAANNNNNNNNNNDDDDDDD, I have yet to jump on the Beyonce bandwagon, despite the fact that her popularity has surpassed every other performer in the music industry today. (I don't know why I'm not "Crazy in Love" for her, maybe its because I can't understand the lyrics to any of her songs. If I'm at the club and something like "Freakum Dress" or "Deja Vu" comes on, then I'm a little more grateful....but still) But all in all, not even I can deny that she is the present and the future of R&B, and she is becoming a pioneer in her own right for the way that she is setting trends and raising the bar for performers to come. She is a beautiful, talented black woman, and like it or not, one day, she will be referred to as The Queen. So it definitely bothers me when the well-fed Urethra Franklin takes her own cheap shot who is doing nothing more than trying to follow in the footsteps of one of her own idols. And is there anyone out there who doesn't think that Beyonce was wrong in her characterization of Tina Turner? So I say this to Urethra: its not a competition, and no matter how big you get, there is still plenty of room in the limelight for others. So play nice. And for once, how about you show some respect for one of the many artists whom you paved the way for...


Second - Kanye West Outburst #475089661- During his acceptance for the Grammy award for Best Rap Album, Mr. West decided to ignore the suggested time limit for his speech. About 8 years ago, awards shows decided that it would be clever to nudge the winners off stage by playing soft classical music in the background, to give them the hint. They realize that these performers have ego's bigger than Urethra Franklin, and they all have an overwhelming sense of entitlement when it comes to self-recognition. So this "music-in-the-background" was a clever idea to remedy the long-winded winners....

But not really.

Just a few moments earlier, Mr. West performed his hit single "Stronger" followed by "Hey Mama" a dedication to his late mother. (I won't get into the details on how great his performance was, instead just review my previous entry on the Grammy's). Everyone knew about his late mother and the likelihood that he would be emotional during his show and during any subsequent award speeches.

"And the winner is....Kanye West". He walks on stage. He begins thanking everyone who helped him get to where he is. Usual Kanye Fashion. He begins to talk about his late mother. The music begins. Wrap it up Kanye! I look up and think to myself "Are they really gonna do him like that?" Then, in some weird telepathic shift in the cosmos, he heard me. Kanye looks up into the camera, and says "Are yall really gonna do me like that?" The music continues. Kanye keeps talking. The music gets louder. Kanye looks up and shows the anger on his face, but he keeps talking about his mother. The music gets even louder. Kanye stops, looks directly into the camera and says "It would be in good taste to stop the music." They got the hint. The music stops. The crowd applauds him. He pays respect to his mother. He walks off stage. The show goes on.

So before any of you unsympathetic haters out there decided to bash Kanye again, let me just reiterate: The show goes on. It was not a big deal. It did not disrupt the timing of the show, it was the best part of the show, and like he said , it was in good taste to turn the music off so that the man could talk! Sure he has had more than his fair share of selfish rants in the past, but this wasn't dissatisfaction about him losing awards that he should have won. This wasn't about him performing on the little stage instead of the big stage (See: THANKSGIVING and KID'S TABLE). This wasn't him calling George Bush a racist. And this wasn't him talking about how great he is. This was a grieving young man who just wanted 20 more seconds to acknowledge his deceased mother for her role in making him the person he has become. If you truly believe that such a statement is rude or in bad taste, then may God have mercy on your soul.



To lighten the mood, here are a few more attention-getting lines that might have gotten them to stop the music....
5. "I must admit, I'm a lip syncer."
4. "I'm Gay. (but we all know that he's not)"
3. "I wanna thank you Jay-Z. But lets be real jigga. Everyone knows that you hooked up with Rihanna. Your body language says it all."
2. "Barack Obama does not care about black people."
1. " You're cutting me off right now?!? This is GARBAGE! And the producers of this show are GARBAGE! COME AFTER ME! I'M A MAN! I'M 40!"

Finally - On an even lighter note, OBAMA DEFEATS CLINTON. No, no, no the presidential race is not over. But in a symbolic victory which could not come at a better time in our nation's history, Barack Obama beat a Clinton. That's right, he won the Grammy for Best Spoken Word Album from his best-selling book, The Audacity of Hope, beating out Fmr. President Bill Quagmire, I mean Bill Clinton. Giggity-giggity-giggity!

*Interesting Fact: Among the nominees that Obama beat out were Fmr. President Jimmy Carter, and Fmr. Republican Nominee for President, Arnie Vinick.